Tomorrow is Pure Geography Paper 2 & Pure Biology. Think i'll go pass that? This sucks, there's a lot to study. Too much. I can't take it, and even at this stage i have barely finished studying Geography. Biology? Oh my, it was just yesterday that I studied Biology, but I kinda feel i'm starting to mix Geog & Bio together. Damn.
Riight. Let's talk about English. I loved my paper 1 and I wish I could take it home and frame it up or something. It wasn't a superb sure-A1 kinda composition, but it was definitely not worth that much of a credit. It wasn't that good, but it wasn't that bad either. I kinda feel it deserves a 4, at least a 4 (as in B4). I didn't think I did outstanding for my oral/paper 1 & paper 2, so I think i should at least get B4. Probably the range C5 - B4 and I'm not trying to be humble here, the passage for Paper 2 was difficult and the vocabulary was an ultra killer. I died on the spot when I looked at the words 'embellishment, relic, voraciously, infernal ..." I can't remember the others.
I guess my paper 2 will pull me down. At first when I stepped out of the paper 1 hall, my confidence was boosted a lot. After paper 2 was a mere disaster, But then when I look at it as a whole, I hope I do just fine.
For paper 1, writing a speech for section 2. the speech part was easy. Writing a speech just made me laugh. (: I think about those debate speeches I wrote, and how I try to be convincing. "I strongly urge all of you... I believe that you will follow me... Make your wisest decisions.." Then Section 1, I had 5 topics to choose from. I chose "Marriage" of course, that was the easiest of them all. It was just a one-word question and it's highly unlikely anyone could go out of point. The rest were just boring .. education system, tourism, careers and whatnots. (: Thinking about it, I merged recount and argumentative together. Recount and argumentative technically equals to a Exposition text, but I didn't feel I was writing an exposition text.
Snips of my Paper 1. I started off with this.. "My mother used to nag at my sister to let the dead bury the dead and move on with her life. She had gone through a bad start with a divorce case in her hand, and she was not about to find a new flame. After that traumatic incident, she wanted me to become a nun. I guess that solemn promise was broken the moment she found a new man.
I had my first love when I was thirteen years old. We talked about marriage a lot, and since he was the only stable boy I've ever met, I thought we were about to get married. My views on marriage changed soon after he left me for another. I tore the posters of my 'sleeping beauty' and 'snow white' and told myself happy endings never exists.
Marriage.... (then I wrote about marriage as a whole & the reasons for marriage ..)
(I ended off like this..) Ultimately, I still want to be the 'snow white' and 'sleeping beauty' that I threw out the window because happy endings do exist. I hope that one day my knight in shining armour would sweep me off my feet and ask my hand for marriage."
So cool right? (: I loved my essay to the maximum! Now I have no time to talk about anymore, I have to study Geography & Biology!
8:51 PM
.
.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
*____ Oh No!
This is totally out of control but I'm starting to get really really scared that I'm going to blank out in tomorrow's examinations- or worst still, not be able to answer any of the 5 questions + 1 Situational writing tomorrow!
After that whole Social studies hoo-haa, it's starting to get to me. This is really bad, i don't want to fail my English, or get a C5 or a C6.
I'm scared. Would I pull through?
10:34 PM
.
.
Monday, November 07, 2005
* ____ So it has begun..
So everyone is blogging about E maths Paper 1 & Social Studies paper. This I'm not surprised. Everyone says E maths is easy, but what the hell, Maths has never been easy for me. However, it's the first time I finished the whole paper! without leaving any blanks (: And yay! I didn't sleep. Even jie ying asked "eh, you never sleep ah?" -laughs-
Riight.. Just yesterday, I studied with Rahila and asked her a couple of questions which came out today! YAY. I hope I don't make any careless mistake. I spotted a few careless mistake 2 minutes before we had to hand up that paper. Sighs. But I changed it in time.
Then, Social Studies. =(
I pinned all my hopes on Combined Humanities because I've always done well for Combined Humanities. But this time it's different, I practically went through my Social Studies blank. This is my very first time doing so badly for Social Studies. And people say, no point crying over spilt milk. I'm not.. I'm just really disturbed I didn't do as well.
I came out of the room, called my boyfriend, and suddenly burst out crying.
Social Studies, I bull-shitted my way through! Everything I studied - Growth of nation/Sustaining Development/Birth of nation.. all didn't come out. What came out was whatever I didn't study. Great *rolls my eye* So I had to bluff my way through. This sucked.
Now I just have to go study Geography, in hope that I might do better. Or History..
5:55 PM
.
.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
* ____ 2 weeks.
Bear with me for these 2 weeks. (: I wouldn't be blogging as frequently, or I might just.. But for the next two weeks, I suppose I will not blog so much about life, and more of my O'level examinations in parts and pieces. That's just a probable assumption that might just not happen.
I might just disappear for the next 2 weeks, mugging my head's out. Today was enough a torture for me. I studied E maths until my head ended up pounding from inside. It was bad enough for me now that it's 10.51pm and i'm still not asleep. I've been trying to sleep for the past 1hr, but it seems that it's impossible.
I've been keeping too much late nights that i can't sleep at 10.51pm. Besides that, there is this BIG mouse in my room that is irritating the hell outta me. - My sister. -laughs-
She's not sleeping, and she won't allow me to. I really need the sleep. My eyes are tired, but why is it that my mental state won't put me to sleep? I'm tired physically and mentally but this is horrible, because I just can't fall asleep. Too many numbers & words are going through my head.
"Tone, purpose, content, audience, expected reaction.." ... "y = mx + c , k = area of image / area of object " all those things are going through my head.. it's really jumbled up. this feeling is just indescribable. I can't explain it.
I'm tired physically & mentally, give me strength to fall asleep tonight & wake up feeling fresh tomorrow morning.
10:49 PM
.
.
* ____ If..
If you're one of those people having a sleeping disorder right now, then I feel sorry for you. It's 3.o8am and you should be sleeping! I know I'm one of the weird ones still online blogging my life away. What can I do? Up to this 16 yrs of my life, I don't have amnesia or some sleeping disorder.. in fact, I'm really tired right now. I'm just not sleepy yet.
I just read 3 more newer chapters of my Social studies textbook, and I think I can go on reading until around 5am and still not feel lethargic.
I sympathize with those that have sleeping disorder, and are going through blogs after blogs trying to find something to do. You should try 1) Counting sheeps. 2) Reading a boring book 3) SMS-ing someone to sleep 4) Talking on the phone and falling asleep
What am I talking? Sleeping disorder can't be cured using all those 4 remedies I just gave! I'm getting a little cranky myself, yet I wish I could just lie down on my bed and sleep till morning, get up and study. However, this precious time of having the whole room to myself in the middle of the night, with completely no disturbance on MSN or SMS or TELEPHONE or the distraction of all - my sister... is really something I should treasure.
There's no maid walking in and out of my room, or father walking in and out of my room, or brothers & sisters trying to come in to use the computer and disturbing the peace I have and need.
Besides, I bet everyone feels that way.. except some crazy people that only has a bed and maybe a little Hi-Fi set in their room! Most room have high tech gadgets like television & hi-fi & computer & probably some playstation/xbox rubbish in their room that are major distractions from studying!
Again, what am I saying? The BED is good enough a distraction for anyone. In fact, everyone. Partly a reason why I don't study in my room, or even at home. I suppose I need an air-conditioned room. Yes, yes. I know my room provides that. I need an air-conditioned + comfortable table & chair + no bed + no distraction kind of place to study. Handphone & MP3 player is okay. It's not a major distraction, and besides, nobody SMS-es every 2 minutes unless it's totally necessary.
Oh, if you're having sleeping disorder and reading this blog, I don't feel as sorry for you. I feel sorry for those kids studying right now, and relieving a bit of stress by coming online going through blogs.
Yes, and can't my dad understand a little? "either you sleep or study." That's what he just sent through IM. I need to de-stress sometimes, and yes, even though my exams are next week.. (major exams) doesn't mean I have to completely not de stress by taking out 2 hrs to watch movie, or play mahjong, or use the computer! It's essential.
Putting too much study material into your head will kill you!
If you just believed what I said, then you're sick. Either that, or you're just stupid. I'll like to try to believe you're naive, but never mind, stupid is good. (:
P/s: NOBODY TAGS AT MY BLOG ANYMORE. ALL YOU PEOPLE ARE STUDYING SO MUCH YOU'RE NOT TAGGING ANYMORE! -laughs-
3:07 AM
.
.
* ___ Trapped.
I changed my blog skin. Kinda portrays what i feel right now. (: Trapped in this vicious cycle - education system. I'm having my O'levels in 2 days time. Technically, at 1.28am now, it's tomorrow then. I'm feeling really really stressed up myself. It's eating me from inside. The agony of going to sit for the papers and trying to score just to make my mother proud. It's difficult, even for me.
I wake up in the middle of the night thinking it's already O'levels and that i've slept through the day, forgetting to study.
The stress level is high up there. I went to study with Melissa at Woodlands library today. It was jam packed. Everybody was holding a social studies textbook and many others were just reading.
Then I went to work. Not really work, I went to share my ra-ra skills with my cheers connect people. Teach cheers for their CFA course. I talked to them alot, and they're really helpful. Too bad I couldn't stay for long. My dad is in a high look-out for me. I mean, i'm not doing anything sinful but anyways... Hong Ting made me think about it alot. They told me to just go ahead for my A-maths test.
Hong Ting promised to pull me through this 2 weeks, before my A maths exam. He offers to teach me and help me with it. The rest promised to teach me this and to teach me that. But i'm on such a high stress level, and I don't think i'll be able to go out much. Even going over to my base tomorrow is going to be hard. I really hope I would get help from Hong Ting for maths. =/ He majors in Maths. OMG ! WHO MAJORS IN MATHS! Maths is so... -.-" Going over to base tomorrow would be difficult..
Suppose my parents don't trust me.
Anyway, I had a talk with my mother this morning, and it kept me thinking for a while. My mom's words always keeps me thinking. She always draws the picture in black and white for me. She never believes in standing on the grey line. It's either right or left, right or wrong, black or white. That's why I aspire to be someone like her. Someone so devoted to work and to her family. (:
Guess she will never know this.
Right on queue, 10mins down and I think I should be getting back to my Social Studies textbook now. It has been waiting for me for quite some time now.. AWW, I do want to go out and study again tomorrow with my friends, then head down to base.
MAN, I'M TRYING MY BEST TO PASS! I regret not being a consistent student since Sec 1.
1:25 AM
.
.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
* ___ I read..
I read my friend's blog, or should I say, multiply just about 5 minutes ago. His journal. It was awakening, not shocking.. but a mere tug in my heart as I sympathize with his situation. I thought about it over and over again. How can something like that happen to a guy like him?
The race is between you and that particular person. You're running, and you're running, and you're running. You're sweating profusely, and you're tired. You're about to give up. You want to, yet you don't want to.. because at the end of the race, at the finishing line, you have a prize. something worth all that running. You run, and you run and you run, and you thought about all the preparations you did for this race. You tumbled, and you fell, but you picked yourself up to run, and to run and to run again. But then the referee blows her whistle, and you fall to the ground, knowing that you cannot pick yourself up.
You're hurt, you're tormented, you're lying on the ground. You wish someone would come over and sweep you away, and take you away from this torturous pain. Someone as heavenly as her. But then you don't want another, you want her to pick you up. But then you look around, and you saw the winner with her, standing hand in hand, walking away.. You call for her, but no words were able to come out of your mouth.. Then you realize that the whole world has tripped, and it has fallen right on your head.
You have a choice. To pick yourself up from all these pain. Or to sit there and sulk, hoping she'll come back to pick you up and take care of all the bruises you have.
The correct path you should take is always the more painful one. But it's the one that will bring you far, and bring you away from all the hurt you've been putting yourself through. It's always like that and people always ask why put yourself in this much torture if only...exactly, "if only" is such an overrated word. People often wonder why. and 'if'. If only this, and if only that..
Pick yourself up from this fall. "There are many fishes in the sea" "She's not the one." "You'll meet Ms. Right" "Just wait awhile, it happens to everyone." "You're still young, she's coming. Don't worry" "Everyone has been through this"
It's tiring to hear all this, and not feel the need and the urge to find your other half soon enough to get married. But in order to get married, you have to be settled with your own career, and your fundamentals. Don't rush things. Harsh decisions always harbour regrets.
Congratulations to your marriage Idz & Haillie. (: They're 18 and 16. Oh, and Mr Kaycee Chan too.
7:21 PM
.
.
* ____ my lovely sentosa. & those foreign workers.
gee, i miss sentosa. but i was brought there again yesterday with my Cheerios, and we pretty much had alot of fun there. We had our CCI Challenge II (an amazing race sort of thing) and our last checkpoint was sentosa. I really appreciate khai for making his way down even though he woke up late. (Well, as they always say.. It's better late than never)
we had a lot of fun i suppose. at least, i did.
all they stated to bring was beach wear, so i only brought my bikini there.. thinking we just had to wear it to get poured with water. but then, we ended up at sentosa which was really cool. 'cos at the end of the day when it's time to shower, i had nothing to change to.
besides, i didnt have any toiletries or showering equipment! but because of this, i realized the good people of Singapore. i went into the toilet with Wei ni & josephine (they were really nice people and we were team GENIUS).. josephine went into bathe first, and wei ni was complaining that we didnt have anything to wash up with..
i went up to this 2 girls as they were packing their toiletries in, and asked if i could borrow some showering equipment, and the girl stretched her hand out and gave me conditioner and shower foam. she poured shampoo on my hands cos she needed it and wei ni and i shared it while using the water coming out from the hose. HAHA!
and i thought singaporeans won't ever do that. (:
i thought wrong of them. i've done it before though, and i thought that person was one in a million. but then again, this incident proved me wrong a second time. 2 THUMBS UP for Singaporeans (: (nope, singapore bikini babes)
Oh, put that aside. i have an issue with foreign workers. the hatred probably started from my boyfriend and it rubbed off on me. I woke up early this morning and sent my poor boy to army as he had Sunday Guard duty which really sucked. I mean, who would want to wake up really early in the morning to go stand on guard when probably nobody would come in on a Sunday? Besides that, as I was returning home..
I went on the bus and I saw this whole stretch of foreign workers which irked me alot. Laughing, and making a din in the bus. I sat a seat right before the exit door at the back and listened to my MP3 player. After which came a stop when this foreign worker had to get down the bus, this irritating bus driver jerked right at some point of time, and the foreign worker swung himself against me. His bag hit my face and he practically pushed me to the side. I was so angry I just stared at him. He apologized and left the bus hurriedly. I can sense his embarrassment,
but can he FUCKING sense mine?!
Bloody hell, early in the morning, at what 8.00am i had to put up with this? Besides, I didn't have a handphone to complain this to and remain composure listening to my mp3 player. I couldn't even remember his face... If Khai was there, things would be different. I would sense his agony and he would probably do something to him..
So it's a good thing he wasn't.
2:40 PM
.
.
Friday, October 28, 2005
* ____ Boom, last 1 week.
I've spent a lot of time on my own these days. I haven't been writing a lot in this blog, and i've been keeping notes to myself nowadays. It's all over the place. I've been writing it down more often then writing it in the blog. (: Obviously, if i had a choice, i would rather it be typed then written. I guess I haven't been home recently so I'm always too busy to write.
It's raining, and it's a gloomy Friday. Likewise, people always say, "how can a friday be gloomy?" We should be going out to chiong, and everything. But that is only at night. (: Right now, in the afternoon, it's kinda bad cos It's raining, and im not feeling too good. I vomitted, and broke a glass while keeping the clothes. Damn, my friday isn't starting too good.
I bought khai a PSP! for his birthday. YAY!
Now i've only got myself to blame, cos i'm now obsolete in his life. He's always holding the PSP, playing his games & music. But it's okay, just for him to smile .. it's all worthwhile.
How can 1 simple gadget take me away from his life just like that? I want and I want and I want lots and lots of things. I want MONEY! I want CLOTHES! I want new gadgets too! HAHA. Gee, I have CCI Challenge tomorrow. Work again.
I thought to myself last night as I laid my head down to sleep. Attention. This word is so easily said, easily spelt. But how can anyone truly know or feel if someone wanted attention? High achievers are normally attention-seekers. How can you make known that you wanted attention? Like rebellious kids of carefree family, their only reason for being rebellious is because they are denied the attention at home. In order to get a little bit of that attention, rebellion is the answer.
Or faking a sickness to gain attention. My sister is doing that non-stop.
Attention. This would suck one out dry.
"For you i'd bleed myself dry." "I would die for you, lay down my life for you."
